


The Robot Baby Crisis of 2016

by Bee_Boy_Apollo



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Implied Zuko/Sokka, M/M, Modern AU, goodbye moustache it was nice knowing you, robotic babies, song/kuei is there too, the mechanist is a great dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 12:22:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7844779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bee_Boy_Apollo/pseuds/Bee_Boy_Apollo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru and Teo are assigned to take care of a robotic baby in health class. What happens next... isn't that shocking really. It's actually pretty damn gay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Robot Baby Crisis of 2016

**Author's Note:**

> This actually alludes to a different thing I'm planning on/have written some of before. 
> 
> Explanations as to who everyone is are at the end, don't worry.

This was hell. This had to be hell. Mrs. Diqiu was going to get a nice punch in the face and so was M. Diqiu for ever thinking that giving them a robotic child was a good idea. It hadn’t stopped crying since the two- well three if you count the baby- had gotten back to Haru’s apartment, and Teo was just about to scream. He’d just gotten back into bed when the baby started to cry again.

“Haru, can you go take care of that?” Teo asked, not wanting to heave himself into his wheelchair again. He wasn’t sure his arms could take much more. Of course, after having to lift yourself off a bed a total of 14 times in one night, whose arms wouldn’t be dead?

Haru apparently didn’t understand this concept, though, because he replied with, “Can’t you get it again? I’m trying to sleep.”

“What do you think I’m _trying_ to do here? Do you think I’m _not_ trying to get some sleep, because I _am.”_ Teo sat up to face Haru, “Now get up and shut that baby up before I kick you off the bed.” He flopped back down onto the pillows and shut his eyes, waiting to feel the movement of Haru moving off the bed.

“You couldn’t kick me off the bed if you tried.” 

He turned his head and opened one eye, glaring at Haru, “Is that a challenge, my good sir?” 

“Teo, your legs don’t work hardly at all, I’m not challenging you to a duel.” 

Teo smiled.

“So you do care.”

“Of course I do, you’re my best friend. I don’t want you hurting your legs even more.”

“If you _really_ care, you’ll go shut that baby up so I don’t have to kick you off the bed.” He shut his eyes and felt the weight on the bed shift, signaling that Haru had, in fact, gotten off the bed to “shut that baby up”. He felt like a winner. 

Teo fell asleep in a matter of seconds after Haru left the room. He didn’t care what happened while Haru was out of the room, this was going to be the best 4 minutes of sleep he’d gotten that night. 

-

He must’ve been out for a while, because the next time he woke up it was to the baby crying and Haru shoving a pillow over his face.

“Have you checked... The children?” he asked in a deep raspy voice. Teo pushed the pillow out of his face. 

“What do you think, you jackass?” He rolled his eyes, “ I was trying to sleep.”

“You got to sleep for four hours. I let you sleep for _four hours._ I am in hell, Teo.” He gestured to his face, “Just look at what I’m going through.”

Teo’s eyes widened. Half of Haru’s moustache was ripped right off of his face, his sole patch also almost gone. When Teo got a good look at his hair, it was like he’d just been thrown around in a category four hurricane. His eyes were red and puffy. He looked miserable.

“Holy shit, Haru. What happened?” 

“Shut the baby up. Tried to sleep. The baby started crying again. I pulled on my moustache because I was angry and I accidentally ripped it out, and then I started crying into a pillow.” 

Teo resisted the urge to laugh. 

“Tragic. Very tragic. Would that pillow happen to be the one you just shoved in my face?”

“Yes, now give me back my cry pillow and shut that kid up.” 

“Alright, alright. Get some sleep,” he said, handing Haru his “cry pillow” and giving him a kiss on his forehead. He heaved himself out of the bed and onto his wheelchair, this time not minding it so much, and into the guest room-turned-nursery. 

He wheeled over to the nest of blankets on the bed- The Baby Nest, as Haru had called it- and pulled the baby out. He assumed the baby only needed to be fed, and stuck it on his lap to wheel to the other side of the room where the bottle was. He really wished these babies were more wheelchair friendly, but he couldn’t even imagine how Toph was doing with hers. She’d probably ended up hitting the poor thing more than once. 

When he got over to the bottle, he was glad that it was actually what the baby wanted. He didn’t want to get as angry as Haru did. Speaking of Haru, he hoped that he was getting some rest. He looked really upset before Teo had left. 

Wait, speaking of when he left, did he seriously kiss him on the forehead? 

Well, that’s awkward. He hoped Haru was too tired and emotionally unstable to remember it in the morning. If he did how would he explain that? Just be like “Yeah, I’ve had a crush on you since you helped me out when I couldn’t get my wheelchair in the door a few months ago?” He didn’t think so.

Wow, ok, he needed to chill. If this were a real baby it would almost definitely be crying right now because he couldn’t keep himself calm. Oh, and now his legs hurt. That was fantastic. Why couldn’t the damn flood either leave his legs alone or take away the feeling all together so he wouldn’t have to put up with this shit. Well this went from embarrassing to just generally depressing in only a few seconds. What was this baby doing to him?

Speaking of the baby, he might as well give it a name. That was one of the requirements Mrs. Diqiu gave him, after all. So what did he want to name this child, anyway? Torture? Suffering? Both? He couldn’t really do that, now could he. 

Well, he couldn’t do it in English, but he did have a father that spoke quite a few languages. It would make sense that it was in a different language, too, since he and Haru were both from Asian descent. He shot his dad a text message.

**[Me]**  
_Hey, dad. I know it’s like 5:30 in the morning, but do you think you can help me out with something?_

He set the baby down in his lap again and wheeled back to The Baby Nest, waiting for his dad to respond. He knew he was up. His dad was always up at this time working on new inventions. Come to think of it, did his dad ever really sleep? He probably did. If he didn’t, that would be really bad for his health. His phone buzzed.

**[Dad]**  
_Sure, what is it, kiddo? Why are you even up? You better have gotten some sleep or I’m going to have to talk to Haru._

**[Me]**  
_Remember, I was doing that baby thing for school. Can you hit Song and Kuei for me the next time you see them? Anyway do you happen to know what ‘torture’ and ‘suffering’ are in Chinese and Japanese?_

His dad was the best. He probably _would_ hit the Diqius the next time he saw them, now that Teo had asked. Well, he probably wouldn’t hit Song, seeing as she was pregnant, but he would hit Kuei. He could just picture it now. His dad would walk right up to Kuei and give them a gentle slap in the face and they would ask “Jizhi what was that for?!” to which his father would respond with “Teo asked me to do it.” Then he’d probably get a load of shit from M. Diqiu in English class for a while. 

**[Dad]**  
_Well, I won’t hit Song, but I will hit Kuei. They probably had something to do with Song giving you those robot babies anyway. But anyway onto the question. Torture in Japanese is “Goumon”, and Suffering is “Kurushimi”. In Chinese, torture is “Kaoda” and suffering is “Tongku”_. 

**[Dad]**  
_Please tell me you’re not thinking about naming this poor little robotic human torture and suffering._

Teo chuckled at his dad’s use of “poor little robotic human.” He had a pretty good idea of what the name for this kid would be now, though, and he was glad that his dad agreed that Kuei definitely did have something to do with their wife’s idea to give the entire class robot babies for the night. 

Luckily it was currently Friday which meant that they could sleep however long they wanted once they got home from school. He was also lucky that the only teacher who still had problems with him was Mr. Amaruq, but that was only because he had problems with everybody. He even had problems with Sokka, and he was his own grandchild. But, he only taught woodshop, so Teo couldn’t really fall asleep in there unless he really tried. 

**[Me]**  
_Alright thanks dad! You’re the best! Now you go to sleep, too. You’re not going to be able to finish that…. whatever it is you’re doing without some proper rest._

**[Me]**  
_And yes, I’m naming the baby torture and suffering if I get Haru’s permission. Goodnight dad, I’ll see you after school._

He put the phone on the desk, deciding to go get dressed. After all, it was about 6:00 now, and there was no chance of him ever getting back to sleep now. Zuko and Sokka were coming to pick the two- no, 3- of them up at 7, and he planned on helping Haru fix his little moustache problem before they left. 

He put the baby back into The Baby Nest and wheeled back to Haru’s room to dig through his closet. Surprisingly, he and Haru were the same size in almost everything they wore, meaning Teo never had to pack a bag when the two of them went anywhere together. It was quite nice, and the added sensation of wearing “boyfriend clothes” was nice, too. 

He picked out a nice green shirt and jeans, and while putting the shirt on was easy enough, putting on pants was hard as hell. He scooched up to the front of the wheelchair where he was able to fling his legs around and get up. 

God, he hated standing up. Couldn’t his dad just invent an attachment to this thing that stood him up when he pressed a button? Oh well. His legs _were_ getting stronger now that Suki and Katara were giving him some type of physical therapy. He should be glad he was even _able_ to stand up and put on pants.

He did, however, end up falling over halfway through the pants-putting-on process, waking up Haru. Well fuck, now Haru had to see him trying to stand back up once he fell onto the floor with pants hanging half off his ass. This wasn’t embarrassing at all.

“Hey, Teo? You ok down there?” Haru asked while turning on the light. Clearly this was supposed to help him, but instead it just ended up making Teo get a better look at the damage of Haru’s face. Holy shit, was that a sight. He knew Haru’s hair looked bad before, but now. Oh god. He couldn’t help himself. He started cracking up, making Haru even more confused.

“Teo? Do you need help? Are you going insane? Answer me!”

“I’m.. fine! Holy _shit,_ Haru, you look terrible.” 

“Well I’m sure I don’t look as bad as you, Mr. Tried To Put Pants On By Himself.”

“Don’t think so, Mr. Half A Moustache. Help me up and then go check a mirror.” Haru brought his hand up to his moustache, horrified. 

He got off the bed, and rushed over to Teo, helping him get his pants on and get back into his wheelchair, then ran into the bathroom. Seconds later, he heard a horrified shriek from the bathroom. So he must’ve forgotten about last night. That was a good thing. 

“Teo! Get in here and help me fix this mess!” 

“Alright, alright. I’m coming.” He wheeled into the bathroom, to find Haru holding back tears. It was only a moustache to him, but apparently to Haru it was much more than that. 

“Teo, how did this happen?”

 

“The baby was crying. You stopped the crying, but it started right away again. You got angry and ripped out your moustache. Then you cried into a pillow. At least that’s what you told me last night.” Haru’s immediate expression turned into one of rage. Something told Teo that he wanted revenge on that baby.

“That little motherfucker… I’m going to name it Moustache Killer.” Wow, Haru, nice job creating the perfect segue into what he wanted to tell him. 

“Actually, about that. Dad and I came up with the perfect name for the little shit.” 

“As perfect as Moustache Killer?”

 

“Even better. Kaoda Kurushimi Tanryoku-Yundong”

 

“And that means?”

 

“Torture Suffering Tanryoku-Yundong” Haru looked overjoyed. 

“Teo, it’s so perfect I could kiss you!” Teo’s face turned about every shade of red that existed. If anyone titled a picture of this moment it would be called 50 Shades of Red. This is when, as Sokka would say, he grew a pair.

“Go ahead then,” he said. Haru looked shocked. 

“W-what?”

“I said, go ahead and kiss me then,” Teo repeated, reaching up and gently pulling on the remainder of Haru’s sole patch, bringing his face down so he was able to meet Haru’s eyes. Haru still looked like he was in shock, but he didn’t look upset, which was a good thing. 

Teo took that as the final invitation to lean in and press his lips to Haru’s. To his surprise, Haru actually returned the kiss, or at least he assumed he did. He didn’t understand how this kissing thing worked. Haru was his first kiss, after all.

The moment was ruined by the robotic spawn of satan screaming in the next room. 

Teo broke the kiss with an irritated groan. He just wanted this baby to leave his home. He wanted this baby’s battery to run out, and he wanted his dad to hit Kuei so hard that their glasses fell off. How dare this baby ruin his first kiss.

Well, shit. His legs hurt again. Great. And now his neck hurt from tilting his head up for as long as he did.

“I’ll go take care of that. You just get a shower and do something with that bird nest on your head.” He backed his wheelchair out of the bathroom and turned to face the door to the hall, then he looked back.

“I love you, Haru.” he kept his head turned in Haru’s direction just long enough to see his face become the new poster for 50 Shades of Red. Teo let out a giggle and wheeled out the room into to The Baby Nest.

-

Later on, after Haru had fixed his bird nest and moustache problem and Teo shut Kaoda up, they decided to have breakfast. 

They were all gathered around the table eating cereal out of the box, Kaoda on a blanket pile on the one kitchen chair, when Zuko and Sokka came. The knock on the door scared Teo so much that he jumped and hit his hand on the table. 

“Come in!” Haru said between laughter. He took Teo’s hand and kissed it before the two came in.

“What a gentleman.”

“Shut up.” Zuko and Sokka took this moment to walk into the kitchen. 

“What’s up sluts?” Sokka yelled, and Zuko gave him a smack on the back of the head.

“Oh nothing, I just have the best boyfriend in the world.” Haru answered, not phased by the fact that Sokka had just called him a slut. 

“Wait, wait, wait. WHAT?! You guys are…? What?!” Sokka looked back and forth between the two of them.

“This is my boyfriend, Teo Yundong, and this here,” he gestured to The Baby Chair Nest, “Is our lovely child, Kaoda Kurushimi Tanryoku-Yundong.” Zuko started laughing.

“You named your baby Torture Suffering?” 

“It was Teo and Jizhi’s idea. I just went with it after that little fucker made me rip half my moustache off.” Sokka examined Haru’s face, then smiled, clearly happy with the lack of facial hair. 

“Hey Zuko, what did you guys name your baby?” Teo asked, as Haru started to gently punch Sokka for not mourning the loss of his moustache.

“We named her Izumi Jasmine Amaruq-Tsuihou. The Jasmine part was Uncle’s idea.”

 

“That’s beautiful! Much better than Torture and Suffering,”

They stayed around talking for a few more minutes, until Zuko announced that it was time to leave if they didn’t want to be late for class to which Haru replied “Bumi can go fuck himself, I’m tired and I want to sleep”

Sokka and Zuko had to physically drag him out of the house so he’d leave. Teo grabbed Kaoda, and wheeled out to Zuko’s- well it was actually Uncle’s- car. 

They all got in, and decided that they were all going to fall asleep during health class that day. They were never going to let Mrs. and M. Diqiu forget about The Robot Baby Crisis of 2016.

**Author's Note:**

> Mrs. Diqiu is Song, the lovely girl who Zuko stole an ostrich horse from.  
> M. Diqiu is Kuei. However, I headcanon him as genderfluid which explains the pronouns and different title. He's also the English teacher.  
> Bumi is the math teacher and the first teacher that Haru and Teo have at the beginning of the day.  
> Pakku is the woodshop teacher. Literally he is the grumpiest guy. Save everyone from Pakku.
> 
> The Mechanist is Jizhi Yundong.  
> Haru's last name is Tanryoku  
> Zuko's last name is Tsuihou  
> Sokka's last name is Amaruq


End file.
